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[faebysitting]

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[flameinthedarkness]

yeah most ppl dont get this kinda stuff when i talk about it [Here or at NRC, not when Idia starts going on a happy, or annoyed, rant about something he knows well, at super speed, and with all the jargon.

MuscleRed got it.]

wwwwww a good teacher only as good as willing student. i cant believe only been like 3 years or whatever

[Hm, oh, yeah, that had a bit more weight behind it, didn't it? Idia pausing in his bliss of gaming joy to read it over a few times, frowning as he types,] u good MuscleRed? something happen?

[faebysitting]

[ ... He hadn't meant to kill the mood. What had he expected, with what he'd typed out? ]

My apologies, Gloomurai. I've been trying to make sense of something for the last few days, something a friend is going through. I'm still a bit distracted by that, if I'm honest.

[ And he was being honest on that part... mostly. If only you remove the part about it being a friend going through it. ]

It's a complicated situation. I don't mean to have my scrambled thoughts and feelings regarding that interrupt our conversation.

[flameinthedarkness]

it all good! sorry u got stuff going on. thats tough. even if u not the one going through it [Poor MuscleRed. Could Idia help in anyway? Hmmmm.

Oh,] im better on in game advise than IRL but it help if able to break it down into part? if work through it piece by piece if it was a mission that might help? i get it private n if u dont wanna say, but maybe outside perspective helps? dont promise i will have solution tho

[faebysitting]

[ It's not exactly a smart idea to bring this up to Idia of all people. Or, maybe... maybe he was one of the only people who would understand, if he explains it vaguely enough. ]

We can try. [ Piece by piece, like a game mission... He needs to keep this as vague as possible. Idia was a smart boy, although he's not sure how smart he is with social situations. ]

My friend, let's call him V for simplicity's sake. For context, V is someone I know IRL, in Duplicity. Not from home.

He had a penpal type friend back home. Someone who he exchanged emails with. Let's call this friend S.

The two of them never once saw each other's face nor knew each other's names, but they shared a passion together, talking for hours and hours about their shared hobby. Never really talked about their own lives. Due to some life circumstances, V was going to be moving. Would no longer have access to the Net. So he told S this, explained that he wouldn't be able to talk with him anymore and logged off for the last time. He didn't really explain why, what was happening, nothing. Just said he wouldn't be able to go through with their shared hobbies anymore.

Then, V was brought here. S was already here. The two reconnected again over the net, kind of like how you and I did. The first part then would be this: he's trying to deal with the guilt of what he'd said, the fact that he was leaving without much of an explanation at all, but S hasn't brought that up at all. Might not even be from the same time, to have experienced that.

[ ... Hopefully that was changed and vague enough. Maybe not. Ah oh well, he can't go back now. ]

[flameinthedarkness]

[Hmmm, that was quite the situation, wasn't it? Huh, it also sounds really similar to what him and MuscleRed have going on, the whole communication without physical contact. And being brought here.

Guess it's common enough for several people to be in the same situation. Weird.]

i can see the struggle here. Difficulty rating is high. I guess ur friend gotta break it down into a few steps. like what their goal is, and what their limits are. like if they got a natural debuff with dealing with stuff irl then maybe they gotta communicate OL only.

and goal wise i guess gotta work out what they want. do they wanna repent? to know if S knows the same as they do? To make up for it even if S doesn't.

I would say V needs to get their head sorted on their goals first. then work out the means to meet those goals. that make sense?

[faebysitting]

[ What does he want? What was his goal here? ... Why was Idia of all people the one that Lilia was getting this advice from?

That knowledge still gets him every single message that comes in. And yet... it's becoming more reasonable, more understandable. That this person who he'd gotten to know was just the person that Idia struggled to show the world IRL. Being online, if easier for him... should Lilia even judge him for that?

He's so very used to taking on all of his burdens alone. To put more on his own shoulders to be sure his loved ones could live in a world that was so much better than the one he experienced. Even thinking to bring this up was... foolish. Selfish. He should bury it away, ignore that he knows, pretend, for Idia's sake. ]

It does.

[ Could he still run with this analogy? No, if he even tries to put his own goals into action here, to meet them, then the analogy falls out completely. He would end up revealing that it isn't a friend's issue at all. His jaw tightens. ]

What if it isn't something that V can repent for? Something out of his control?

... I suppose it would be up to S, then, to see how they feel on their own and decide whether they stick around V, or if it reopens that wound, if S does remember the same things, isn't it?

[ A pause, and he adds: ]

Hey, Gloomurai. Can I ask...
If it were you and I in this situation. Would you prefer I ask whether you knew or that I hold it in and do my best to make it right without being sure of what you might know?

[flameinthedarkness]

[Oh, well,] i mean if V didn't cause it then what the problem? S would have to be an asshole not to see that. like. i can get it would hurt. have a friend vanish suddenly. especially not knowing why. but i guess

[Hm...] a couple of years ago i wouldnt had got it. but i do now. or in a different way now. ppl leave. simple as that. sometime, eventually, everyone leaves. goes away or dies. before i would just hide away and not try to even make connection cause of that. but the last couple of years i realized all that does is fuck me up

[If it was them? What has MuscleRed done for Idia to be upset about? But lets go with the hypothetical.] i wouldnt want u to be upset or hurt over keeping it in if it would hurt to do so. ur my comrade. my friend. even if im the one that enforced this separation here. dont mean i want bad things for u. i guess just... idk. [...Idia wants to go back to talking about S and V. Not them. But... he owes MuscleRed this. To answer it truthfully. And, well, Duplicity forces truth, normally when you least want it to happen, so having a choice to be truthful rather than forced to? It's nice having that choice.

Even if it sucks.] if it helped u to ease pain, id want u to tell me. after all, 'make it right' could be a totally different thing to me vs to u.

[faebysitting]

You have learned that far earlier than most do, haven't you? The fact that everyone leaves, one way or another. It's a terrible realization to come to. Only two options come with it: to adapt or to let it tear you apart from the inside out.

[ Is he even thinking before he types anymore? Really, maybe he should set his device down, think about it for a few minutes. Instead... ]

Making connections. Genuine ones. That has been difficult for me to do for a while now, after a time in my life where I was first finally coming to terms with that realization myself. I would consider you one of those genuine connections I've been able to make after.

It has never mattered to me whether we're separated. You are still my friend. And yet...

[ Okay, tear the bandage off in one go if you're going to do it... ]

I haven't been honest with you. There is no V or S, Gloomurai. A cliche and overused trope, I know, to ask about a 'friend', but I've worried that, somehow, this will all end if I dared bring this up.

[ Keep it on the one topic, and it'd be fine, right? right. Maybe he could knock out ONE sense of guilt here, forget the rest. ]

[flameinthedarkness]

[Wait. Hold on.

DID IDIA REALLY FALL FOR THE TROPE?! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG that's CRINGE! He staring at his screen for awhile before slumping in his chair, unable to believe it... and yet... he's living out a trope. Huh. Heh. Ok then. A soft 'pfft' from between his teeth, caught in that moment. Before looking back to MuscleRed's words. The concern he can read in them. And realizing the weight that must had been on his friend's shoulders by trying to figure this out but also not tell the truth. That's gotta suck.]

guess i know why that trope works now. that or i failed my perception roll. or u crit on it lol.

i dont recall u ever wronging me MuscleRed. or you leaving. [If anything it's the reverse for Idia... which... now he's feeling bad about it with MuscleRed feeling bad about himself! WTF?!] last i remembered we were supposed to raid and

[Oh. Guess Idia can't... or shouldn't avoid it.] and something happened to me. i got taken. not to Duplicity but another place. just yoinked me away. im the one who left u. not u leaving me

i didnt even get to say goodbye. and by the time i got back u were no longer OL. thought u had moved on from me. didnt blame u. i vanished on u.

[faebysitting]

[ … Oh.
They were not ‘their’ Gloomurai or Musclered. The times they came from were different, for sure. Did that matter…? Not really - if it was that close to him not being online anymore, then it’s likely that was their very last raid. Close to the same time, a different world. Still the same people, the same bonds that they’d made. ]

Here I thought I’d been too obvious. You must have critical failed that perception roll, my friend.

[ Would it have been worse, had he not been able to say goodbye to Gloomurai? What would have changed? The ending of a friendship - was it better to be ghosted or to say goodbye? ]

I was always going to say goodbye. It was inevitable.

… We are not from the same place. That doesn’t change how I feel. I’m positive it’s close to when I would have needed to say goodbye, that you returned. That most of our memories align.

I didn’t explain anything to you. I’m not sure I even have the words to explain it now… but before I was brought here, I suddenly told you I was quitting gaming. I said goodbye as if all that time didn’t matter to me, when the very act of saying goodbye felt so very impossible, like saying goodbye to an old friend.

That’s why, when we found each other here… to have more time to spend, before I have to say goodbye again. I didn’t want to lose that. I still don’t. I’d no clue what you knew and didn’t… and whether you were ignoring it for the sake of having more time.

I was. Ignoring it, that is.

Maybe I should have just continued ignoring it?

[flameinthedarkness]

why i suck as social but rule at gaming

[Idia sits quietly as he reads, going through what MuscleRed had done, what he had done to his Gloomurai. And just... how did it feel? Should Idia feel upset or hurt? That after their time MuscleRed just vanished with a 'bye' and nothing else? He's not sure, maybe because he isn't that same kid anymore. He's been through more than his already weird life had fated for him; the Train, his Overblot, Duplicity. Idia's been surrounded by loss. But also friends. Family. Many gone now. Others appearing. Like MuscleRed.

So it comes back to that question; was he upset by learning this?]

i dont think i can answer this as your Gloomurai. How he would feel. Since im not him anymore. all i can answer is as someone who been through shit he hadn't. and for me. it fine. im not angry. or upset. i think im feeling how u r, happy to get a second chance.

so u dont owe me anything. all that repenting or bs i said earlier about V and S [Also why V and S? Huh.]

just keep playing games with me. that all i need. im happy with that. for however long we both have here.

we can ignore it if u want. idc either way. cause im not upset about it

[faebysitting]

[ Idia had changed a lot, hadn’t he? What he’d experienced differed from what he was meant to. Or, maybe, what he’d experienced was what was meant to happen. Either way… It’s strange, to feel pride for someone who a mere week ago he wouldn’t give a second thought about, but how can he not, knowing this this was also one of his closest friends? That he’s grown so much. ]

Neither of us can answer for the other “us”. What I can say… is that it doesn’t matter who we are.

I’ll continue to play games with you. To be here with you, for as long as we have.

You may not be “my” Gloomurai from home, but you are “my” Gloomurai here in Duplicity. In that way, nothing really changes.

[ This … was a relief. A piece that soothed part of his scattered mind. For how long, who knows? ]

Thank you. I know this was sudden. Too much has been going on recently. Enough that any little thing begins to eat at me. I appreciate you listening, putting up with my roundabout explanation, the eventual “confession” of my “crime”, and… your honesty, too.

I don’t care whether we pretend or not. Having it out there, knowing that you’re of the same mind. That’s enough for me.

[ There’s still the chance this could all fall apart. It might not. It might be fine. Or, the truth of his identity could be the last straw. For now, he’d keep the secret close to his chest.

Nothing needs to change. They could stay like this, forever. Until the inevitable comes knocking, until one of them leaves. ]

[flameinthedarkness]

heh that a good way to put it. we all just 'our' versions here. even if we not from the same version of the same world [Not if this MuscleRed got to say goodbye.

Good. It meant he lived.]

i'll take it tho. real happy to take it.

i mean when big stuff going on with city its so easy to just burst and wanna let it out. know i been doing more of that of late... and it not as bad as i thought it would be. i guess others seen me worse with that city has made me do wwwww

u feel better now it out? [To check. To fully check.]

[faebysitting]

That's for sure. It's been rather difficult to keep much hidden from those around. This city seems to have a way of breaking down much of what we know, forcing us to talk, to bond in other ways, whether we want to or not. [ Even then, there were lies. Secrets kept, held back. A life that not many were wholly aware of, forgotten to time. A life that shaped him in more ways than one.

A reason, to keep lying. Pretending. To enjoy the small moments as they come. And, for now... to let go of whatever feelings built up, that he harbors, and to focus on taking the time to enjoy this. Whatever may happen from here.

For all he knows, Idia might already be well aware of who was behind that name 'MuscleRed'. Might be keeping the same secret for his sake. Who knows? They could keep playing pretend, whatever the case may be. ]

A bit.
There's always something.

But this does help. Thank you, Gloomurai. You really are one of those I can count on. I hope to be someone you can count on as well in the days to come.

fin?

[flameinthedarkness]

[How would MuscleRed, Lilia, feel to know that he was the one person safe from that. That Idia wouldn't doxx him. Didn't want to find out if the other didn't want to present him with such knowledge? Idia could easily do it, here or back home. He just doesn't want to, he respects MuscleRed too much. If he was to suddenly learn who MuscleRed was?

Well, he's not sure what he would do. Even after this reveal. He really has no clue.]

yeah blah blah positive twist on it blah blah silver lining blah blah all that wwww

i hope so too. ty MuscleRed. Really.

ya!! here's a little bow to wrap it with~

[faebysitting]

Not to suddenly push all this mushy stuff aside, but...

Could you believe the recent update of Gun Riders? This event made me so mad, the mechanics were so difficult compared to the base game, with such little rewards. How do they feel it's fair for us to work so hard only for practically only 2 shards and some crumbs?

Not to mention the cards that released this round were absolutely nerfed on release...!!